Bournemouth Road to Recovery suicide

Some time ago we received some correspondence concerning the above group. We were requested to delay reporting this out of deference to the feelings of family and friends. The communication has been edited to preserve anonymity. These events took place in July/August 2012

“Hi,

I am writing this in connection with the recent suicide of a member of the Bournemouth Road to Recovery group.

…... threw himself out of a tree with a rope around his neck on Monday 30th July. His neck was broken and I believe his spinal cord was severed. He was kept alive until Friday 3rd August at which point his ventilator was switched off.

I visited him ….... to pay my respects and say goodbye.....

Since his death I have learned that …...... was a member of  the Bournemouth Road to Recovery group and was sponsored by a certain '….......', …....., sometime sponsee of Wayne P and a person I should like to avoid meeting ever again.

…....'s parents …... are mystified by his death - "He'd stopped drinking, his life seemed to be getting better. He'd even written a new song and joined a choir...." - and want to know about his associates and connections in AA. They understood that …... was a member of what they described as "a breakaway group in AA."

I don't want these kind and decent people to get caught in crossfire between the Roadies and 'mainstream' AA. They are stunned by grief. I believe that in time they may also start to feel angry, as indeed I am beginning to..

Meanwhile [his sponsor] is said to be on holiday.

I would appreciate any thoughts, suggestions or observations you may have to give me. …... was a friend, a decent guy and about as vulnerable as any chronic alcoholic has  a right to be.

In fellowship.

…....”

Our response:

“Dear …...

Thank you for your mail.

We're sorry to hear about the death of your friend. 

From our perspective it's always very difficult to discern the precise reasons why somebody decides to take their own life. In one sense there's nothing 'reasonable' about it. To go against one's own instinct to survive can only be the result of an enormous internal conflict.  What we can say however is that the kind of environment offered by cult groups like Bournemouth Road to Recovery is probably the worst possible for people such as these.  Their anti prescribed medication/anti counselling/dogma driven approach offers nothing to the more vulnerable members of our society.  From your description of …. it might be that he was suffering from depression and was unable to communicate easily what he was going through.  To exacerbate the situation further  (as you may be aware) any such 'negative' expression is much frowned upon in cult circles.  The opportunities for him to talk about these concerns may have been very limited indeed.  We quite understand your concern for his family and their feelings. They are after all the ones left behind to try and come to terms with his death.  It is interesting to note however that they are seeking some kind of explanation as to why he should take his own life, and moreover seem to suspect already that this may be in some way linked to his participation in the above group  We would certainly encourage them to pursue their enquiries especially if these should throw some light on the circumstances that resulted in his death.

We can of course raise the matter on the site (suitably edited) which may elicit further information if you feel that would be appropriate

Cheers

The Fellas”

“Dear Fellas,

Thanks for prompt reply.

I want these fundamentalist goons 'outed' for what they are.

I recall my own slog through the first three years of sobriety, the emotional instability and the taboo against saying how you really feel. I was helped by good people who told me things would probably get better with time and continued use of AA. I guess that's pretty much what I said to my poor friend.

He made a bid for freedom from the road [Bournemouth Road to Recovery] a couple of months back, …........, then stepped back onto the road. I have found this out only since he died. It's not my practice to draw folk away from the road.

The trouble is that vulnerable souls - and who doesn't fit that description in early times? - experience a crisis of confidence and conscience, caught between the hard line and 'the easier, softer way'. We are told we don't know what's best for us and the road equips us with (seemingly) strong, charismatic sponsors to tell us. The word 'cult' is appropriate.

As to the circumstances which resulted in …....'s death I have pieced some of them together. …....... I believe he was also on anti depressant (or even anti psychotic) medication. …....... several 'roadies' from …...'s home group ….. seem very shocked and I suspect the event may even discredit the group in the eyes of some members.

My problem is this. I would like …....'s inquest, funeral and memorial service to pass before any information is disseminated on Cult Watch. This wish is in the spirit of protecting …....'s family at this stage …......

Again I would value your perspective on this.

Best wishes,

…...”

Comment: None required. We'll let the facts speak for themselves

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)